Palm Sunday pain

And so Holy Week begins. I’ve gone through it so many times but this one feels particularly grim.

I’m feeling pretty low. Saturday I ended up working 12.5 hours. My body and my spirit feel broken as a result. Sadly it looks like today will also be a 12+ hour workday.

On top of the work place grind, there are my feelings about my vocational pursuits. It’s Palm Sunday and I’m not at church virtually or physically. Where else should a priest be on this day? Why must I spend this day asking people how they plan to pay for their ER visit instead of helping people contemplate the mighty acts of God?

I’m also thinking about my mom. Palm Sunday was the last time she was able to go to church before she died. She loved God. She loved the church. She was so proud of me and of the work I was doing in the church.

I wonder what she would think of me now. I have disappointed her as well as so many others. I have failed at my vocation. And I am well aware of it right now.

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