…feels like it has ground to a halt.
January held such promise. But now that March is about to melt into April, things don’t feel so promising. I’m no closer to my vocational goals today than I was in January.
I thought I was about to catch a wave but instead it was just a passing ripple. Or maybe it was a wave and it passed quickly and I wasn’t fast enough to catch it.
The old feelings of hopelessness are starting to reassert themselves. Perhaps the vocational future I hope for is just not going to happen. Perhaps the future that awaits me is more like the present: occasional moments of vocational joy followed by months of toiling away at work that feels meaningless while barely scratching out a living for me and my family.
I hope to God that this is not my future. But today I’m finding it hard to believe in a better one.