The ride of vocational pursuit

…feels like it has ground to a halt.

Steam train stuck in a heavy snow fall on the railway line near Auchterhouse, Angus, in early 1947.

January held such promise. But now that March is about to melt into April, things don’t feel so promising. I’m no closer to my vocational goals today than I was in January.

I thought I was about to catch a wave but instead it was just a passing ripple. Or maybe it was a wave and it passed quickly and I wasn’t fast enough to catch it.

The old feelings of hopelessness are starting to reassert themselves. Perhaps the vocational future I hope for is just not going to happen. Perhaps the future that awaits me is more like the present: occasional moments of vocational joy followed by months of toiling away at work that feels meaningless while barely scratching out a living for me and my family.

I hope to God that this is not my future. But today I’m finding it hard to believe in a better one.

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